Let the Slogans Guide You
Empathy can be challenging. If we are not mindful that it is by God’s grace that we are in successful recovery, it is easy to be judgmental of others who continue to struggle with their own challenges. Why are they so stuck? Why can’t they “get with the program” and do it our way? If we remember that our recovery is truly a gift – that it could have been us in their shoes – we can find the empathy and compassion to share this gift with others.
When we enter recovery from an addiction that has left our partnership battered and bruised, we hope that the relationship will survive. However, there are no guarantees, which can cause anxiety, fear, and an overwhelming need to dig into the wreckage of the past prematurely and to “drill” a little too deeply. This is the time to be gentle with one another. Asking for or giving too much detail can cause even more distress. Concentrate on rebuilding your relationship rather than sorting out each other’s indiscretions and imperfections. Recovery takes time, and asking your Higher Power to show you the way to move slowly, with love and respect, will help you to strengthen your bond and come to trust the process you have undertaken together.
When we are being of service to our partner, how much is too much? Are we forcing our solutions onto them in an attempt to make things better? Or are we able to “Let Go and Let God” take care of the things we cannot control? If our partner, after receiving our input, does not react positively, we must pray for the wisdom to accept the things we cannot change, and acknowledge that God will take care of our partner’s needs.
Keeping the romance in our relationship can be a challenge when new hurts evoke painful memories. It may be all too easy to connect the two – past and present, but this is the time, for the moment, to live in the present and take one day at a time. There will be time to examine and share in the healing process of our past injuries. Dwelling on the past is a no-win situation; today is the day on which to concentrate and work through. By letting go of the past until we can put it into perspective and work together to address the harms, staying in the moment enables us to face our future together. Ask your Higher Power to help you keep a healthy perspective and live for today. When you relate to your partner today, you are able to recognize the potential for love and romance in your partnership.
When we are doing well in recovery but our partner is struggling, we might have a tendency to place blame. We might feel that our partner is just not trying hard enough, and we are not at fault. This is the time to remember the slogan, “Let it begin with me.” By taking a look at ourselves and our own defects, we can stop the vicious cycle of blame and get on with understanding and love. Ask your Higher Power to help you to be the first to stand in front of the mirror for self examination. Your changed attitudes and behaviors may inspired your loved one to seek help