Your union, if it is of God, has great value to you and others. If you or your partner has begun to question the benefit of your union, take some time to examine the contributions your relationship has made to your lives and the lives of those you have touched. Perhaps your communication or honesty need some fine-tuning, but a “dry” period does not have to create a division. Look closely at the blessings that both of you have received as a result of trying to be of service to others. Examine carefully the gifts that your union has given to those who have been close to you. If a state of gratitude is difficult to obtain on your own, ask your partner what he/she is grateful for and you will be inspired.

If you are wondering what happened to the magic in your romance or marriage, there is still hope!  Your sense of loss suggests that you once had a partner that you were excited with and a relationship that held the promise of a strong future together.  It is likely that your relationship began with a conviction that the union would withstand the challenges that life presented.

We believe that the excitement and romance fades because the couple has lost their commitment to be IN©.

Partners in a troubled romantic relationship will often regretfully report that, while he/she loves their partner … they are no longer “in love” with him/her. We believe the only difference between the two statements is “IN.” We have learned over the past 37 years that “IN” requires a decision to become emotionally vulnerable with your partner. The couples we have worked with have taught us time and again that healthy relationships are seldom 50/50. The relationship will often require that one partner give more than the other but it should not always be the same partner giving 80%.

Many relationships can be reborn if the prospective partners of the NEW relationship are willing to go to any lengths to create a healthy bond.  The relationship may be currently bound up in unhealthy ties to resentment, blaming, and manipulative behaviors, to name but a few.  These unhealthy ties can create a bond capable of holding a partnership or marriage together for years but eventually it will give way to one or both member’s need for love and affection.  Some look for what they need in work, work, and more work and others focus all their energy on raising the children or tending to the needs of other family members.  Still some decide to venture into seemingly “harmless” flirtations outside of the union.  These diversions, well meaning and often purposeful, seldom work to fill the holes in the primary romantic relationship.  There is help. Don’t resort to infidelity or divorce until you have tried being IN.

Leadem Counseling & Consulting Services, PC offers marriage counseling through a model that challenges the traditional view that seasoned marriages are by nature less full of excitement and less romantic.  If you are looking for a therapist in New Jersey or someone to help you strengthen your romantic relationship contact us. We will teach you how to be “IN©”and you may return to the state of being “in love” that warmed your heart when the relationship began.

The way to experience being “in love” is by making a decision to be “IN©.” Call us if you and your partner have lost the magic – we will help you to get it back. © Leadem Counseling & Consulting Services, PC, 2004