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Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction
by Patrick Carnes, PhD
The author helps you understand how and why you fall into love addiction and provides ways to identify and get out of it. Sort out the unhealthy, addictive elements in your relationship, while you learn new things about accepting yourself and others.
Sex Addiction Defined
The disease, although not identified as such in the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, is recognized by knowledgeable addictions treatment professionals as one of the primary obstacles to the maintenance of sustained sobriety in the recovery from Alcoholism and other forms of substance dependency. Old timers in the 12 Step movement will remember the ominous warning of the more seasoned members of their group: Beneath every skirt is a slip. The adage will be dismissed as a sexist comment by those fail to see its intent. Its authors were talking to men, of course, because there were very few women in the recovery rooms 30 years ago, but the wisdom should not be ignored because it speaks to one gender or because it may sound “corny.” Many relapses will begin with the problems associated with the instability an individual is experiencing in their sexual life. Unfortunately the issues surrounding sexual instability are rarely discussed with sponsors, let alone brought up as discussion topics for meetings.
Sexual addiction is a pathological relationship with a mood altering experience which becomes central to the addicted person’s life. In Out of the Shadows Dr. Carnes explains the four-step cycle the sexual addict progresses through which intensifies with each repetition:
- Preoccupation with sex: The trance or mood wherein the addicts’ minds are completely engrossed in the thoughts of sex. This mental state creates an obsessive search for sexual simulation
- Sexual Ritualization: The addicts’ own special routines that lead up to the sexual behavior. The ritual intensifies the preoccupation, adding arousal and excitement.
- Compulsive sexual behavior: the actual sexual act, which is the end goal of the preoccupation and ritualization. Sexual addicts are unable to control or stop this behavior.
- Despair: the feeling of utter hopelessness addicts have about their behavior and their powerlessness process that a sexual addict progresses through.
Support Resources
Recovering Couples Anonymous
Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA) is a 12-Step Fellowship founded in the Autumn of 1988. There are groups throughout the United States, as well as worldwide. Although there is no organizational affiliation with Alcoholics Anonymous, The 12 Steps, 12 Traditions and Principles are adapted from A. A. www.recovering-couples.org
S-Anon
The S-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of the relatives and friends of sexually addicted people who share their experience, strength and hope in order to solve their common problems. Our program of recovery is adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous and is based on the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. www.sanon.org
Sex Addicts Anonymous
Sex Addicts Anonymous, SAA, is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction or dependency. www.sexaa.org
Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a Twelve Step - Twelve Tradition oriented fellowship based on the model pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous. www.slaafws.org
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other, that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from sexual compulsion. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop having compulsive sex. www.sca-recovery.org
Sexual Recovery Anonymous
Sexual Recovery Anonymous (SRA) is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover. www.sexualrecovery.org
Sexhelp.com
Dr. Carnes' Resources for Sex Addiction & Recovery ... Dr. Carnes is a nationally known speaker and pioneer in the field of sexual addiction. www.SexHelp.com
Sex Addiction Recovery Resources
Information on workshops, publications, and links as a service to the sexual addiction recovery community. www.sarr.org
Porn-Free.org
This site offers both Christian and non Christian based support to sexually addicted people and their families.
www.porn-free.org