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5 Rules for A Sober Romance: Radio Show May 23rd, 2012 posted by: to Radio Shows

This radio show was geared towards helping those who are wanting to learn more about how to share the journey of 12 Step recovery with their partner in a model we call A Shared Program of Recovery.  It is our sincerest hope that as you listen to John and Elaine’s story of how they came to believe in the 5 tenants for nurturing a sober romance, mentioned below, you will feel hopeful that you too can share a more intimate recovery journey with your partner if that is your desire.

  • Shoulder the full responsibility for the quality of your own life and recovery and assume 100% of the responsibility for the relationship’s tasks
  • Be responsible to and not for your partner
  • Each partner has 50% of the voting stock
  • Half measures avail us nothing
  • “Looking at the menu” can cause harm whether you order another relationship or not

Radio Program: One Hour at a Time with Mary Woods

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2 Comments | Post Comment

  1. Patti, June 5, 2012:

    How do you get over your son being clean and in recovery for one and half years from drugs and now drinks every weekend …his father is an alcoholic and drinks with him? I cant take it…he does stupid things, its killing me inside. I am at a loss i dont know what i am doing please some give me some advice..

  2. LCCS, July 31, 2012:

    Hi Patti and thank you for your question. We are with you in your pain! When those we love are suffering, the entire family hurts. As a mother that could not be truer. We have found hope and healing however, through expressing our pain and letting others in to the recesses of our scarred souls. We need not suffer alone when we can heal together.

    First off, we would like to apologize for the delay in responding to your post. For an unknown reason the comment you posted initially went in a spam folder, but we have corrected that; and again, we very much appreciate the question.

    It is important to remember that relapse into active addiction after a period of sobriety is not an event nor is it an accident. Relapse is a process that occurs over a period of time. Along the way there are indicative signs that warn the recovering addict that he or she is on the way towards relapsing. It is then up to the recovering addict to choose to heed those signs and warnings or to suffer the consequences of ignoring them. We therefore believe that once the addict has learned to get sober and stay sober, relapse becomes a choice. Believing that relapse is a part of the recovery process is the opposite of the truth. In fact, relapse is part of the addiction process.

    It is important for you to begin the healing process of learning what you are feeling and how to process your pain in healthy ways. Ask yourself if this is the first time you are ever feeling this kind of pain, and if not, when have you felt this way in the past. What were some of the ways you have dealt with these feelings in the past? Are you ready to find new and more effective ways of taking care of your hurt? How do you plan to do that? We suggest sharing what you find with someone you feel absolutely safe with. It may be someone you love, a friend, a therapist, or a member of the clergy.

    The concern we have is a negative pattern we have seen where pain – whether it be past, present, or both – is neglected or even stuffed inside which often leads to more pain instead of less. The thought that “time will heal all wounds” is not consistent with our experience that even over long periods of time our emotional wounds persist, only to rear their ugly heads when there are additional disappointments or hurts in the future.

    Please find help and support for yourself. You do not need to suffer alone. Recovery may not be your son’s choice at this time but you can find the healing you deserve. We pray that your own recovery journey be a positive example for your son to want to emulate. More than any of the things we could ever tell our children verbally, we can inspire them to make healthier life choices through our own healthy, sober, and recovery actions.

    Please, avail yourself of the various self-help links we have posted on this site ( If you would like to undertake an evaluation by one of our staff who could walk you through creating a personal recovery plan with which to heal from your personal pain and hurt we would be happy to schedule that with you. Please give us a call at 732-797-1444.

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